To make the world around you look at you favorably, blossom with colors and love, you should start with yourself - with the acceptance of yourself.

The chain is quite simple: self-acceptance - self-love - stable self-esteem - positive perception of the world - happiness and success. So, if self-esteem is the foundation of your success, then self-acceptance is the foundation of self-esteem. These are the simple complexities of building character.

I once came across a comparison of human life to a house and was curious about what we put in the foundation, how many floors we have, what we build the walls of and where our windows go. We have decided that our foundation is the acceptance of ourselves. Let's put the first floor under stable self-esteem, let's build the walls out of love for ourselves and then the windows will always look out on happiness and success.

In the beginning was the word. So begins one of the gospels of the New Testament. In our case: in the beginning was the foundation.

On what and how to build your foundation? If we remember the ancient stories about the creation of the world, one of the most famous ones says that the world stood on three whales. The story of self-acceptance is also based on three whales: forgiveness, respect and gratitude.

3 Steps to Your Real Self. How to accept and love yourself

Forgiveness

It all starts with forgiveness. Forgive past offenses, forgive yourself.

The human mind is conditioned by the past, it is what it knows and remembers. Therefore, we are doomed to constantly replay the patterns of the past like a looped tape recorder tape. We do the same thing over and over again because we think the same thing over and over again.

If you hold a grudge against someone inside of you or blame yourself for the stupid things you've done and the blunders you've made, you're letting your inner voice take on a life of its own and it's pushing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. How do you get it under control? Write down all your thoughts about it, that way it will be easier to let them go.

Psychologist's advice to a client:

- If someone hurt you badly, write about it in a letter and burn it.

- Okay, doctor. What should I do with the letter?

You can write anything and everything. You can write anything you can think of, even if it doesn't make sense. You can use word processing apps on your computer or phone, but I recommend resorting to the good old fashioned way of writing on paper. Writing on paper takes more effort, but then you're more thoroughly speaking your thoughts before you write them down. You sort of voice them out, write them down, and write them out.

Try it and you'll notice it gets easier. It's not for nothing that so often experts advise us to start a diary. Daily notes do not allow you to focus on a single thought, and the risk of fixating on negativity is reduced many times over.

Seeing the problem clearly is the first step to getting beyond it.

Did you write it down? Good for you! You have taken a huge step toward forgiving yourself.

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The next step is much easier - allow yourself to be human. A person who can make mistakes, do various stupid and crazy things, sometimes need help and a kind word. Give yourself permission to feel. Tell yourself that it is normal.

Respect

The next whale on which we build self-acceptance is respect. Respect for others and for this world begins with respect for yourself.

Most people I know are well-mannered and always polite. They know how to restrain themselves not to say rude things to a person, give up their seat in transportation or apologize in time. But the situation changes dramatically when it comes to themselves. In frustrated feelings they use different "name-calling" of intellectual orientation in their address, scold themselves, doubt their own abilities. Is this respect?

No. Respect for oneself is believing in oneself and one's abilities, controlling one's words and emotions. Never berate yourself, even in jest. Every joke has a part of a joke and the rest is true. Everything you say to yourself, if you repeat it often enough, will sooner or later become true and leak out to the outside world and that is how you will be perceived by others. They do not know what exactly is going on in your soul, what dialog you are having with your inner voice, but they catch the general background that comes from you. This background creates a positive or negative attitude towards you.

We are what we think. And not just what we think, but what we feel and what we tune in to.

3 Steps to Your Real Self. How to accept and love yourself

Show yourself all the positive aspects of your personality, brazenly put yourself in the best light, believe that you are perfect and everything you do is brilliant. And those around you will perceive you the same way.

Gratitude

When was the last time you were grateful to yourself? Not for anything, but for nothing? How often do you allow yourself to disconnect from the world, brew a cup of your favorite coffee and just enjoy the here and now?

That's gratitude, too. Gratitude to yourself for the work you've done regardless of the results, gratitude for a place where you feel good, calm and warm, gratitude for the things and tastes you love and the opportunity to enjoy them.

Sometimes we treat ourselves like a dacha grower treats his precious 6 acres - we don't notice the flowers behind the weeds. We worry more and more about what we do not have, what we have not yet achieved, completely forgetting about the heights we have already conquered. And the joy of life is replaced by a feeling of constant dissatisfaction, and in the back of our minds smolders the feeling that we are missing something.

Cultivate gratitude. As with the first whale, writing things down works well here too. Start writing down all the good things you can remember from the past day. And when you're in a particularly good mood, write a list of your best qualities and accomplishments. It sounds like narcissism, but it's actually a way of showing gratitude to yourself.

How else can self gratitude be expressed? Be creative and bright, don't be afraid to be misunderstood or look silly, use all kinds of ways to express yourself, even if you're drying butterflies or covering your body with tattoos.

And the most important appreciation is taking care of yourself. Don't forget that an affair with yourself is an affair forever.

And lastly.

For the second line in a row, I've argued that you have to accept yourself, love yourself. But here it is not so important to concentrate on how to do it, how to understand why.

Finding answers to the "why" and "what for" questions work for our awareness and motivation. And if we continue the metaphor with the story of self-acceptance, awareness and motivation are the turtles that support the whales. Here's your foundation getting stronger.

From the outside, it might seem that self-acceptance looks like a passive state. This is a common misconception. To accept yourself, it's not enough to just say it out loud or put it on paper. Although that's quite a bit of it. Acceptance is a conscious process that comes from within and needs to be worked on constantly.

Life will give you exactly the experiences you need to evolve your consciousness. How do you know what experiences you need? You need the experience that is happening to you at the moment.